Been there, done that… Dating’s not for me

At the age 30 something, having worked my socks off to provide for my family, my then wife came back from her daily session of pilates, juiced herself something really green that even the cats were frightened off and told me, in one of the tones of voices that curl your skin… Tom she said… We have to talk.

And thus ended my life as a married man.  Two years later, and several thousands dollars poorer, with no house that had my name on it anymore, I found myself back in the world of the singles.

If you have been there, you know what that means.  It may sound glamorous and you say to yourself that you’ll take your time, find the right one but you never do, don’t you.  At least I didn’t. Two years I lasted… Jumping from one dating site to another, updating my own profile so that it was just right, and flipping from one profile to another, in search of that elusive one. That woman that would sweep me off my feet.

They say you date because you’re in search of romance… If that is true, then let me tell you: romance is expensive! Every-time I went on a date, I paid (of course, it’s a world where women scream at you because they want to be treated equally but never put their hand in their purse when the bill arrives)… where was I… I paid, yes, with my American express card. I like it. You flash it out like it’s a secret weapon and bingo, you’re done. At the end of the first year, of dating, I asked my accountant if I could pass these… expenses… as business expenses…  He looked at me the way accountants look at you when they know they’re dealing with a halfwit and I knew I had just asked the wrong question.

Still, I was spending lots and lots of money and yes, sometimes the lady would follow me into my apartment for a little on the side, you know, but it was always about the money.  This restaurant, a weekend to that hotel etc…

It was a lot for a little dose of romance if you know what I mean and one day, I decided that I would pick up the phone and call the chicks with sass for phone sex. That was the best idea of the year.  A revelation if you want to know. My ex and I had done phone sex before, when we were dating, but nothing had prepared me for what those girls could do. The week following my first call, I phoned for cheap phone sex with the chicks with sass 27 times! Yep, you read this right.  That’s 27 or 3 short of 30.  In a week, that’s more than 8 times a day.  Just think about that. Pick up the phone, dial one of the two phone sex numbers by the chicks with sass, 8 times..

At the end of the first week, when I was too sore to dial anymore I had a look to see how much this week of fun had cost me.  Turns out a lot less than an typical night with a date…

I have been doing phone sex ever since and when I need a little more, there is always dating…  Life is good.